Copyright © 2001-2004, Patrick Karel Kroupa
All Rights Reserved
It was a bright day in the middle of the night, and I was walking down this
road which was like an escalator. Then I saw these people, and kept trying to
talk to them, but already it was too late, and my watch was running backwards.
And these midgets in latex tutu's starting scampering across the ceiling which
dissolved into an ocean, and I was drowning . . . but then at the bottom of
the ocean I walked across the floor and opened this oyster which had a pearl
in it; and I felt all warm and fuzzy, and then a meadow appeared . . .
. . . and I understood, and wow, this is so cool, it's just like love and
sunshine, and puppies, and ice-cream, and sex, except kinda like all at once...
I never knew I loved having sex with puppies while eating ice-cream in the sunshine--
err, back that up a sentence or two, that's not exactly what I meant. And as
I thought that, I realized that maybe my thinking, was all thunk out, so this
chasm blows open and I was in a graveyard . . . after I got done clubbing the
baby-seals, it seemed that it was beyond too late -- even though time had stopped
running backwards, and started moving sideways in spirals -- I have an appointment
to give blood, seems I hafta go face-first through this lawnmower, and then
I'm scheduled to tour at least 3 layers of hell before lunch, and--
. . . and my spirit guide held my hand, and we walked on the water, over to
where all my dead relatives were lined-up; they delivered a stern anti-drug
lecture, while showing me ScArY MoViES of what my life would be like if I didn't
stop doing drugs. But then God came down from heaven, gave me a big kiss, and
dissolved into this shower of golden-light, and I knew that all the answers
I was seeking through drugs were always inside of me, and I was healed.
Furthermore, to Clarify:
Now obviously, this explains why Gestalt is mostly correct, EMDR works some
of the time, and Primal Therapy has the right idea. Schroedinger saw some light
in the darkness, Neitzsche saw darkness in the light, and Hitler, Jesus, and
Max Planck discussed it over tea one day, with the Mad Hatter acting as an independent
peer-review committee, and Dostoyevsky taking down the minutes -- but he wasn't
paying attention a lotta the time; this is okay 'cuz Godel had a parabolic mic
aimed at the whole-entire scenario. Also, furthermore, this is only accurate
on every other Tuesday, of leap-years, unless Peter Melchior manages to reintegrate
John Lilly, and Timothy Leary gives him some therapy.
Because sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, unless Freud didn't say that, uhm,
what did he say again, oh yeah, "you people are all basically just totally fucked
up. Now, who took my cocaine, and where the hell did my niece go... I'd call
Sherlock Holmes to figure this out, but he's off somewhere banging-up speedballs.
He's repressed anyway, and really needs to get laid." Of course, this is only
metaphorically a parable, because Sherlock Holmes was a real person, whereas
Freud was a strung-out champion of law and order, only in books, and on the
But anyway, as anyone can see this only works on the primary and secondary
levels of quaternary dualism, unless it doesn't. Christian Science, the Koran,
Buddhism, Shivaism, Scientology, and the Muslims, are seeing at least part of
the spectrum of possibility, except when they're not. But it really doesn't
matter because Socrates knew it -- tho' he didn't write it down -- Plato (who
was a whiny little fuckhead) plagiarized it, and Aristotle retrieved and refined
Strings are a good theory, but sometimes Viagra works better, because as Heisenberg
explained, the Uncertainty Principle doesn't really start to throb unless the
strange attractor is wearing a mini and heels, in which case non-linear dynamics
will cause the butterfly with broken wings to nose-dive, this will make Voltaire
depressed a lot of the time; but ultimately it's all-good because when Freud
dropped the cigar, Fromm picked it up and re-lit it, Sartre stuck it in his
mouth but never inhaled, and Jung understood all of it, in its entire totality,
some of the time -- even though he didn't smoke cigars.
Baudelaire and Rimbaud lived it, Shelley kinda flopped around a lot and drowned,
but his wife nailed it; Byron also nailed a lot of things -- lacking a camcorder
and a web site, on occasion he even wrote some of them down. Tesla and Willhelm
Reich had it all written out in invisible ink on SekRet DocumenTz, hidden under
an orgone accumulator, until THEY, THEM, and THOSE PEOPLE, ruined everything.
Escher took the remnants and made a moebious-strip out of them. Once the colors
got all smeared, C.S. Lewis and Dr. Seuss summed it all up in one cohesive whole,
understandable by any child; however, when most adults try to cross-connect
the spirals of rainbows, they just end up with mud.
Lately though, I'm starting to have a lot of dreams about sex. This means its
time to take a really long plane-ride. In conclusion, black-lights are pretty
groovy, but somehow -- for me anyway -- lava-lamps, just get real old, real
fast. The 'Dead mahn -- Yahhhhhhhh -- Uhm, I don't like the dead; it's not an
option dude, they're the Dead Mahn, yahhhhh! -- Uhm, okay, I guess, do you have
any Nine Inch Nails?
The MindVox servers are located 100 feet underground in New Mexico, Utah, and
Pig's Knuckle, OH. They are fully distributed, entirely redundant, and completely
recombinant. Vox is INVINCIBLE, Invisible and psychotic -- it enters the mind
through the eye and spreads throughout the organism.
MindVox operates on a principle similar to RADAR, but is highly unstable and
FLYING out of everything. It has an array of OC3's with direct interfaces to
the ley-lines circling the earth. Its NOC's are located at Stonehenge, the Bermuda
Triangle, and a distributed-system of Lost Temples hidden at the earth's core.
The earth is hollow, conclusive and fully documented proof is available in the
works of Nazi Scientist Genius: Hans Horbiger (who should not, and MUST not,
be confused with the Scientist in Outer Space), who EXPOSED the whole entire
truth (in its complete totality). THOSE PEOPLE, sadly, just didn't understand.
Customer Support for MindVox is located in a little white house with a big
UPS in the West Indies, a small, nondescript dwelling 10km. west of Lop Buri,
Thailand, and a SERIES of completely trashed apartments on the upper east side
MindVox has been used for centuries in smaller doses to combat fatigue and
boredom, and higher ranges, as part of spiritual initiation rituals in the Voxer
Religion. MindVox HCl was first made available in 1991 and will finally be released
as an unbound freebase in 2001. In the very near future we hope to have Vox
available in an exciting variety of flavored suppositories, in an assortment
of sizes, so that you can stick it up your ass.
MindVox UNDERSTANDS that Aleister Crowley was just misunderstood. The Book
of Coming Forth by Night and Doing a Lot of Coke wasn't his fault. That was
his DISEASE, plus, also, Aiwiss made him do BAD THINGS. Although, to be honest,
Vox loves receiving Hate Mail and Death Threats from Satanic Masters of the
Dark Arts who threaten to Smite it Down if it Doesn't STOP mocking (who's mocking?)
the Great Beast (what did we ever say about Marilyn Manson? He's an EXCELLENT
musician). Deep down inside, MindVox KNOWS that these letters ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY
and WITHOUT A DOUBT do NOT come from welfare-collecting, computer-twerps who
sit on the Internet 24hrs. a day. It Fully Realizes its Whole Entire Future
is in Grave Peril and vibrates inside with Tremendous Glee...
MindVox was INSIDE the Bayer corporation when they invented the cure for coughs.
It hovered briefly in the general vicinity of Freud when he UNVEILED the Whole
Entire panacea for depression, but then left, because he made its head hurt,
lots and lots. Vox loves, believes in, and STANDS BEHIND all B-D products, which
make hypodermic syringes that should ONLY be used for IM'ing insulin -- never,
ever, anything else . . . at all. It chooses to disbelieve in the Secret, Hidden
Network of Iranian Gas-Station Owners who are nearly always out of gas, change,
or any food product that did not expire 3 years ago. They do, however, have
a near-endless supply of baking soda and brillo, plus, also, not to be forgotten,
Many Thousands of Mysterious Glass Tubes -- which the super-friendly worker
will hand you through the bulletproof glass if he KNOWS you -- which could serve
almost ANY purpose imaginable, but are definitely, without a doubt, and absolutely,
NOT crackpipes. MindVox understands this is just another conspiracy by the Illuminati,
CIA and Black Panthers.
MindVox SEES the REAL you. Yes YOU, it KNOWS that you're so special, you're
all aglow with specialness. It finds you interesting, different, and totally
unique -- it loves you, lots and lots, and wants to eXchange bodily fluids.
Vox is sensitive -- whole Legions of Mental Health Experts, have PROVEN and
EXPLAINED this -- and lies awake at night crying, feeling the pain of the Horrible
Atrocities being COMMITED at the former fully robotic NeXT factory, where BAD
PEOPLE are making the Automation do TERRIBLE, Unspeakable, THINGS . . .
The Truth is OUT There ... and if it's not; just go ahead and make things up.
Because, really, in The End (Apocalypse Now Remix), everything is always all-good.
You only need to open your ears to see the truth, and understand that Saint
Cobain died for our sins, Tupac was killed because he cared TOO MUCH, and Jesus
so loved LSD that he gave the world bisexual women in thigh-high leather boots.
Complete Documented Proof is available from
the Scientist in Outer Space, upon request.